Most parents refuse to learn from their children James, look at yours. Your mother saw you only as an imposition on her life, she didn’t want to grow in truth, she didn’t want to change the way she was, she forced you to change yourself to fit in with her.
The child, right from conception, is more true than adults are on your world, because of your living in your negative state. The child is the most true at conception, losing such perfection as it comes under its parents control. So whilst a child is still in its forming years, if the parents allow it to more freely express itself, even looking to it to help them understand themselves and their lives, it will naturally do so. If you are treated well, respected, made to feel wanted and cared about; if you are loved as you are coming into being, then naturally you’ll express this truth; and so for those people about you, if they are open to growing in truth, will see the little child as an inspiration, as many of the adults did in Hannah’s life. And it’s not that Hannah was any specially gifted child, or anything like that, it was just that her parents allowed to be more true to herself, they didn’t railroad her into becoming as they were.
Humanity has no idea as to its potential James. As young children you are all very quickly and heavily brought under the thumb. You are all but living dead, even the people that feel relatively well loved. An emerging personality being expressed as a young child is power-packed with wonderment, as some parents have touched on with their children. And in Hannah’s case, even though her parents, and in particular, her mother, was wanting to uncover truth, still it was all very limited and strained, as she still had masses of feeling-denying beliefs within her. But to imagine, even though I know you can’t, what it would be like for yourself as a parent have not one self-controlling belief, and so not apply one such level of control to your child, your child being completely free to grow up as its soul wanted to express itself. That is what humanity can strive for, as you set about the healing of your negative state. However also understand, it’s going to be a long hard road, for you have seven worlds worth of controlling beliefs to work your way though, and each world contains many such feeling-denying beliefs.
So Mary, if we looked to our children for help, trying not to control them and trying to support their self-expression, then in a few generations we’d be well on our way in our truth growth as those children would more freely grow up and then in turn more freely parent their children.
Yes, in an ideal world, but your world James is far from ideal. However, any work you do on yourself to uncover the truth of your self-denial through your feelings is going to help you in your relationship with your children; is going to make you parent them more truly. And as far as getting such help from your children, it’s the same with nature, it too will help you if you are striving to live true, for it too is true and perfect and always remains so, unlike your children who have to eventually give way to being as their parents are.
Yes, our little grey cat - Potsy, sure helped Marion and I with our healing, it was full on with her. I can’t begin to imagine what it might have been like had we had a child or children.
They too would have helped you to uncover the truth of yourself through your feelings, and yet it would have been far more intense. However, as you’ve come to understand through your healing, you’ll never be given more than you can deal with, and as you wouldn’t have been able to deal with the intensity of a young child, so you weren’t given one. You and Marion were both damaged too much to be able to deal with a child and struggle on with your healing. So all you could cope with was having a damaged cat. (Pots had rickets as a kitten.) If people want to live true, the way Jesus and I are suggesting, then all that you need to help you do your healing will be provided for you, just as all you’ve needed to help you progress in developing your evilness has been provided for you. You will always get what you need for your soul growth, it’s just a matter of whether or not you want to live true your soul and yourself.
Mary, I was reading about parents complaining that they’d been very free with their children giving them everything they wanted, and yet their children now as young adults are very selfish, expecting their parents to keep providing everything for them.
Parenting your children with freedom is more than just giving everything to your child that it wants. What Jesus and I are advocating is allowing your child the freedom to fully express itself, and as to what this means, and how one might go about it, that’s up to parents to work out for themselves. And if such parents want to live that way themselves, then naturally will they parent their children the same way.
Can you please say a little more on what allowing ones child to freely express itself might involve?
To begin with, one can consider allowing ones child to freely - to be free to - express ALL its feelings, especially ALL its bad ones. So to not stop it expressing all it feels. To not interfere with it by any means, to not limit or thwart its self-expression. But to do this, one would first have to be very aware of all the ways one is limiting ones own self-expression, and even how one might interfere with and stop another adult in their self-expression.
So I would suggest as adults, deciding that you are going to speak about all you think and feel to each other, no matter how horrible those things and feelings might be. And to speak about it all whilst seeking the truth of why you think and feel such things. And as you set about doing that to each other, then you’ll naturally apply the same things to your children. But it’s all much easier said than done, and being adults, you are already locked into your feeling and self-denying patterns, so to change them is extremely hard work.
So for example, let’s imagine your child does something that makes you feel bad - angry. What do you do? Do you take your anger out on it making it stop what its doing all so you no longer have to feel bad. And then do you punish it further so it will get the message that such behaviour is unacceptable because you don’t like it, and it has to comply with you and your way of life. Or might you acknowledge you are angry, and before you yell or growl at or hit your child, you bring yourself back acknowledging you have the problem, for your child doesn’t have a problem, it’s happy doing what it’s doing, and so talk to your partner about all you’re feeling. You strive to bring out all your anger, rage and pain, all your bad feelings, whilst longing for the truth of them. And you keep speaking about and expressing your feelings, and all your bad feelings for as long as you can.
And are you prepared to change, and possibly change your whole way of life - everything, so as to give yourself and your partner the time and space to express all you feel to each other. And I know that’s hard when you have to earn a living and so on, however you can still want to be this way. And you can only do what you can do, you don’t force yourself or try to take over in any way if you can help it, that being only more self-control.
So if nothing else, you start to talk more to each other about all you feel, that’s a good place to start, all with the intention of getting closer to each other as you come to know each other better. And then if you feel up to it, move into speaking about and seeking the truth of all those horribly dark places within you, all those ones you’d prefer not to go into, all those ones you’ve tried your hardest to hide and keep secret.
And understand that your relationship might not go the distance, it might be torn apart as you have to start admitting to yourself and your partner that it’s a lie, a relationship based on fantasy, and that all the so-called love you have for each other is false, something you’ve both had to work very hard at contriving with your minds. If you expect the worst - AND SPEAK ABOUT ALL OF THIS AND ALL YOU FEEL ALL THE WAY WHILST SEEKING THE TRUTH OF SUCH FEELINGS - then you might start to gain some appreciation of what being more true to yourself, true to your feelings, and so living true, is really all about. And then this might follow through to how you treat your child. As you respect yourself, as in, value and respect ALL your feelings, then so too will you value and respect all of your child’s feelings.
And it’s not about asking your child or partner how they are feeling in every moment and doing this thing called your feeling-healing by using your mind because you believe it’s a good thing to do, you try and do it all naturally, with true encouragement when it’s appropriate - when you feel too, and not when you think you should.
That’s my biggest problem Mary, doing it because I think I should, and trying to learn the way to do it. And it doesn’t work, I’ve tried it - I keep trying to do it!
All because it was your programming James, it was how your parents and grandmother made you believe life should be lived. Just learn the formula. ‘and of course we know what’s best for you’, as your mother and grandmother kept telling you, so what hope did you have of finding out anything for yourself.
Yeah, tell me about it. And it’s taking me forever to give up trying to control how I am.
Yes, but you’re getting there James, which is testament to all we’re talking about. It does work, you and Marion are proving it. You are witnessing it in yourselves. You are two living witnesses to the truth as so revealed through your feelings. You are witnessing it in yourselves and in each other.
I will also add James, further to what I was saying about such people giving their children all they want, that they are only giving their children things, and so naturally if your parents have always given you all the things you want, then you’ll keep expecting them to, it all being part of your pattern.
But these parents have not given their children the most important thing of all - themselves. They’ve refused to give themselves, which means, their feeling-self, to their children. And instead, they’ve given them things as a substitute. And really such parents are saying: we don’t want our children, here child, have these things to amuse yourself, so we can go off and amuse ourselves without you. So the child takes, and keeps taking, and demands and never stops, never feeling fulfilled, always wanting, demanding and expecting more, but never feeling happy and loved. Such children are not loved, you don’t feel loved by things, only by loving feelings being expressed from the people you are with.
And yet to give yourself to your child or partner, when your parents didn’t give themselves to you, well, you can’t, and so that’s where you have to start, to admit and accept that you can’t, and then set about expressing all the bad feelings such self-acceptance makes you feel.
I realised this morning Mary, that as I accept myself, my bad feelings as they come up, then it’s in that acceptance I am giving love to myself, loving myself by accepting I feel this way and not dismissing and rejecting myself, and this then in turn is what actually allows my bad feelings to be liberated, to come up so I can express them. And that whilst I’m not accepting them, I’m of course preventing them from surfacing, as I don’t want them to, so I’m not loving myself. And then the more bad feelings I express out of myself, the more I accept I feel them, thereby loving myself more, and so allowing myself to liberate the next lot.
Yes James, that’s how it goes. You do it all yourself. That’s how you work your way out of your self-denying and so negative state of mind and will. And as you accept and express your feelings, so the truth comes because you’re always longing for and desiring it, that being your motivation, focus and intention in life. And so the process moves along, so you steadily grow in truth, just as you experienced today. For your seeing this about your feeling acceptance is part of your growing in truth about yourself and how it’s all happening for you.