Mary and Jesus, I’d like you please to speak about childhood repression.
Mary: Yes James, I’ll begin. Your childhood repression is as you understand, all that happened to you during your forming years that interfered with your will and so personality expression, all causing you to feel many bad feelings, none of which you were allowed to express. So all those unexpressed bad feelings are still repressed within you, and you live still suppressing them. And as you’ve grown up in this state of feeling-denial and being unable to fully and truly express yourself, so you’ve formed behaviours and beliefs to keep existing in your negative state. So all that you’ve suffered at the hands of your parents throughout your whole childhood, and all you’re now as an adult refusing to see and accept about yourself, can be called your childhood repression. So you live keeping yourself under the control of your mind as we’ve talked about, and to heal this condition, Jesus and I are suggesting that you have go into your early life to bring out all you’re keeping repressed.
So what you’re saying is that we’ve all grown up damaged, all because we’ve been parented unlovingly; meaning, that our parents have interfered with our natural will expression, which had they not, would have allowed us to grow up true to ourselves.
So having children is really the ultimate power trip and power tool we have.
Yes, and that’s what parents have to understand, that their love was conditional, it wasn’t freely and unconditionally given. And because of that, they have caused their children untold problems by putting it all on the child: that it was all the child’s own fault, as the parent can do no wrong.
So you grow up in false loving relationships with your parents, these you live out and continue on with your own children, the whole thing being one huge corruption and what is at the root of all your problems.
So really Mary, what you are saying is that all our problems, from our lives not working properly to our being sick, is all caused by our parents unloving treatment of us when we were young.
Yes, and even your lives so-called working properly, it’s all the same thing, for what is properly when all you are doing is being successful in your evilness. You see James, you are all wrong, you are all evil, so all how you parent is evil and so unloving, and has nothing to do with helping your child evolve its own personality expression so as to seek the truth of itself through its own feelings. Everything is done to stop your child from living true to itself, from expressing all its feelings, from uncovering the truth of itself. So this is the rebellion, the corruption you live in, and it’s what is and will be the hardest truth to face. Because to have to face the truth that your parents didn’t love you, not as you needed to be loved; that all you call love is only relative within an evil, negative, untrue and unloving state of mind; and all you are doing is being done to refuse this truth, to keep up the pretence that you do love one another and that everything is all right, is not what most people will want to do. But one day everyone will have to look into the cold hard mirror of truth, and that’s what they will see. And so as you seek to heal yourself through all Jesus and I are saying, by looking to your feelings for the truth, then they are going to lead you back down into yourself, back into your early life, and back into all that pain you were forced to keep suppressed and then repressed. You are going to have to go back into all the pain of your childhood repression, bring it all out, and see all that’s it’s showing you, all that will be the truth of your relationship with your parents. And none of what you uncover is going to make you feel good, because there is nothing good there for you see, and if there were, then you’d already be feeling good with no bad feelings, and so no bad feelings to express and seek the truth of.
So we’re all faced with having to come to terms with the truth that we weren’t fully loved by our parents.
Yes. And that’s what so gruelling about doing your healing, because you have masses of beliefs that are there to stop you feeling such pain and prevent you from seeing such truth, and all those mental obstacles are going to have to be broken down and seen for what they are. Because why do you have them, what are you hiding from yourself, what is it that you’re not wanting to see? And what that is, the ‘Great Mystery of Evil’ is that your parents didn’t actually love you. And all because when you are evil and in an unloving state of being, you can’t truly love, for that’s what evil is all about, it’s anti love.
And so Mary, those people so say they feel a great and deep love for their parents and children, that love is-
False. It’s still untrue. It’s all being generated by beliefs of their mind, projections of loving themselves being put onto the other person, and this is what has to all come out and be shown up for what it is. And as hard as it might be to conceive, that all those good loving feelings are not real or true, and that one day they will all fade away as they truth is revealed, is what has to happen. And that’s the plain hard truth of it all. That’s what is facing humanity and every individual to accept.
And so all the love we feel for our pets and each other, it’s all the same, false love as you say?
Yes, in the context of truth and what is true, it’s false. However, within the context and relative to experiences of good and bad you have in your unloving negative states, it is all you have, and it is love. But it has to be seen in its right context. The feelings of love are still love, but they are love within an anti love state of mind, so they are not true love, true love being what you will feel and experience when you are of a positive mind and will.
So is it like there is positive love and negative love?
Yes, you could look at it like that. But eventually as you grow in truth, the ‘negative love’ if you want to call it that, will fade away, it will no longer give you such good feelings, it being replaced by real and true love, and real and true good feelings coming from ‘positive love’. So the love you will feel when you’re fully healed and of a Celestial level of truth will be very different from that you are currently feeling in your negative states.
So it’s a bit of a contradiction, that we are unloving and yet feel we love and are loved.
Yes, all adding to the confusion that has perplexed humanity all these years. But this is what the new revelation of truth to you is all about, helping you to look deeper at yourselves, enabling, if nothing else, some consideration as to this new and different perspective. And as everything as you are has now thoroughly been gone over and extensively written about for years, still with nothing really changing, still with no real progression of truth, so something must be missing, some vital element that humanity is not seeing, and the looking into your childhood repression will show you all you need to see.
So Alice Miller the Swiss psychotherapist was on the right track.
Yes, she was heading in the right direction, only she couldn’t go the whole way, take all the steps to see the full extent of the problem. She wasn’t ready within herself to uncover that truth, but she certainly took humanity closer to its darkness than anyone else has previously done.
And so now she has died, no one seems, from my small looking on the Internet, to have taken up her banner and be running with it.
No James, it’s too scary. Some of what she said has been integrated into mainstream psychology, there is a general acceptance now that most, and even in some circles, all your problems do stem from your early forming years, but no one wants to take it right to the heart of the matter: that ALL parents are unloving treating and abusing their children all in the name of ‘I love you’. And no one can take that next step and face that truth because they would have to do their full feeling-healing to do so, for it won’t be until one completely does it will one understand and so be able to know such truth for oneself. You and Marion are getting closer to it each day as you continue to work on yourselves, but still there is a way to go before you fully understand the truth for yourselves that your parents didn’t love you at all, not in any way.
Parents won’t like this.
True, but if they want to uncover the truth of themselves...
And, you are right. That’s the hardest part of if for me to accept. Not so for Marion as she never felt loved by her parents, so all her healing simply confirms such truth to her. The love and good feelings I thought and believed I had with and for my parents is still fading away, just as you said. Every day I am facing more of the truth of what you are saying. It’s like there are dimensions to it, levels, and I’m being taken back down and into them one by one. And when I think I have seen all the horror, still I feel more pain and uncover more truth of how unloving my parents really were, and then I move more within myself to see the fuller extent of it all. This morning after more bad dreams and more talking about it all to Marion, I am seeing more how much I hate mum and dad and don’t love them; how much I am so furious with how badly and unlovingly they treated me; bringing up and expressing yet more anger about it all and at them, and so seeing even more that there was no love, and all that was said to be love, was false. And this has been going on now for sixteen years, so there is certainly a lot of truth to see. All so I can get to the bottom of it, to the bottom of just how unloved I feel I am, because of how much they didn’t love me.
Yes James, it’s a progression, an evolution of truth, the truth of your unloving childhood and how you’ve come into being feeling fully unloved and unwanted by the very people who said they did want and love you. This being the hardest part of all of the negative condition to grasp, for, as you’ve wrestled with over the years: what is love, and surely such intense good feelings of love you feel for another person and your pets and your family and parents is love... But, then, why don’t I feel so good, and why aren’t I true and perfect, and why do I still have all the pain I do... So perhaps, something is not as it seems... and something is very wrong... and it is, as you are coming to see.
So really Mary our whole healing is about uncovering the truth of our relationships with our parents.
Yes James, that is what it’s all about. Which then in turn is uncovering the truth of your relationship with yourself. Which then leads you to uncovering the truth of your relationship with your own children and pets, with one another, with nature, and ultimately, with God. And you come to see that all how you relate to yourself, all how you treat yourself, all how your relationship with yourself is, is, how you relate to other people, nature and God. And it’s all unloving. And it can’t be any other way because you are in an unloving state of mind and will. Because you are evil, anti truth and anti love. And the best you can do is pretend you love one another in your anti love states.
So we’re all unloving even though we feel at times a great love for ourselves, others, nature and God. That love all being within our anti love and negative states. And so all the love we go on about, such as, how we’re to love one another and be as Jesus was-
It’s all forced and contrived by your minds. No one can be like Jesus and I were, fully loving and unconditionally so, because you’re not of a perfect mind and will, whereas we were. You can of course strive and want to be as we are, but if you start to make yourself be that way, then you’re being false and untrue. And for you to become as we are, can only be achieved through the doing of your childhood repression healing as we’ve been speaking about. And what that means is that as you start to submit to your bad feelings, allowing yourself to feel as bad as they will make you feel, the last thing you’ll feel like is being loving, for when you are feeling full of anger and hatred of yourself and everyone else, and of God, to then be loving overriding such feelings is very false, and yet that’s what most people are trying to do all the time.
So what you’re saying is that because we all feel so unloved and really bad about that, which we don’t allow ourselves to truly feel, that if we start to allow ourselves to acknowledge it, all our yuk, all our hatred and vile putridness is going to come to the surface, all our unloving-ness.
Yes, and you have to accept that you’re then not as loving as you believed you were, like you have done James, that you’re not even loving at all. And all you believed about yourself being loving and caring was wrong. And waking up to and accepting that about yourself, that you are a horrible, nasty, selfish and unloving person, when you’ve made yourself believe all your life you are not that way, is not something that’s going to make you feel good.
No, you’re right about that. It’s been very humiliating having to accept that about myself, having to feel it, so know it’s true. I’ve had to give up all notions that I am loving and caring. That it was all put-on, a show, determined by what my parents thought of as being loving and caring - their show. But Mary, surely other people might have some true loving-ness about them.
That will be for them to discover as they do their healing James. If they do, then such love will remain, and if they find out as you are doing that all of it is false, then all they have believed and felt love to be will change and go.
To accept that love within a negative state is not real or true love is a big thing to do. Your parents James weren’t their true selves, just their true everyday self, so they weren’t connected with themselves, so they didn’t just feel good within themselves, and had to contrive a good, happy and loving reality. And you were brought into and became part of that show, and so that’s how you are, all of which you’re letting go off as you break it all down, allowing yourself to just be your own true feelings - your true self.
So Mary, all that we’ve become through our forming years is what we remain as?
Yes, as well as adding to that throughout your whole childhood, until you’re about twenty-one. Once you reach this age then you pretty much are set in place so to speak, although all the way through your life you can add and subtract, but mostly these are only minor beliefs and behaviour. If one starts out on something of a self-help, a self-identification or spiritual path, one can add a lot of beliefs. And doing such things as positive thinking, and using mental affirmations or prayers to try and change yourself, one can to some degree, only it will mostly be to further your minds control over yourself. And of course if someone enters into some sort of reasonable therapy one can change, but for the most part, most people are simply the adult expression of their child-self. And this will continue also right the way through their mind mansion world experience, simply repeating the same cycles that were established in their early life, caught in their negative self-denying state forevermore. A state that is not progressive, not evolving because they are not actively growing in truth. Only when you start to grow in truth, which means in humanity’s case, beginning your healing, can and will you start to actively change your early childhood.
And how does it change, I mean, what does it change into?
It changes from the negative to the positive. Through your healing you are paying attention to and expressing and uncovering the truth of yourself, and that whole process is one of being self-loving, the greatest act of love you can do for yourself. And as you love yourself by healing your childhood repression, so you are giving yourself the love your parents denied you. You are in a way, being the loving parents for yourself that you didn’t have. And so in loving yourself, by taking such care of yourself - of your feeling-self, which is the real and true you, you are healing yourself, coming out of your negative self-abusive conditional love-denying relationship with yourself, and into one of a positive all-accepting and unconditional relationship. And so by the end of the process, when you’re fully healed and of a Celestial level of truth, then you will feel as if you were loved right the way through your early life, as if you had been parented by fully and truly loving positive minded and willed parents. So you’ll feel what is said, like you’ve been born anew or born again, with all you were deprived of, all those aching gaps and holes within yourself having been filled in by your own love.
So we end up feeling like we’ve been parented perfectly in some way, and yet also knowing and of course remembering and being fully aware of, just how imperfectly we were parented.
Yes. You retain all your feeling-memories of how bad you felt when you felt so unloved, and all the truth of how it all came about; how you took on your negative state and why, and how you healed it all, but within yourself, having crossed the line back to being perfect, living the true expression of your soul - of yourself, you’ll feel completely loved, so as if you’d always felt loved and were never subjected to such unlovingness.
But once again James, I must stress, these feeling of complete self-love will ONLY come as a result of your having fully accepted just how unloving you were, and once you’ve felt all the pain of that, and seen why and how it all was for you. This complete self-love will NOT come about simply by applying your mind to cover over all your bad feelings like the mind spirits and those similar minded people on Earth are trying to do. You have to go right back into your hell and darkness, accepting it all, accepting fully the unloving and unloved person you are, then giving it all up as you express your way out of it, as the truth comes. And it is the VERY OPPOSITE to how most people see life to be, that they are to use their mind to make themselves be loving, to make themselves be how they think and believe they should be. So to be like the ‘ascended guru’, or the so-called ‘Ascended Ones’, anything like that, is the wrong way, it’s all trying to achieve the ultimate evil you can be: using your mind to believe you are all-loving. Whereas what I am suggesting is you strive to become naturally all-loving through your feelings - how your soul desires you to be.
So all this trying to be loving, and love everyone business; and give your loving energy to the world and yourself, nature and everyone; and all that is you is loving; if you give out love then love will come to you, all that mind control stuff, is just as you said Mary, being as false as one can be. And actually is the most unloving one can be.
Yes James, that’s right. The high sixth mansion world mind spirits are supposedly the most loving as many people who have had any contact with them feel during their out-of-body experiences when they stand in front of such a Being of Light, or whom they wrongly believe to be Jesus or even God himself. These people are simply flooded with the light from these high mind spirits all of which stimulates their Light-Centres or chakras as you call them, making them feel loved, but it’s all false, all contrived, all a show to impress these people. Jesus and I would not, nor would any high and truly loving spirit or angel come and shower you with such light to lead you astray, all to get you to do what we wanted you to do, as that’s the intention of these mind spirits. We’d for starters tone down our light, we’d not subject you to it, for it would be simply too bright and might cause you more harm than good. And we’d not need to impress you, for if you were genuinely seeking the truth, you’d feel it in us, and you’d be drawn to us, and we could slowly get to know one another, just as we have done with you James over these years. And the more you advance and grow in truth, so your own natural spirit and soul-light increases expressing that truth, and so we can then be more of our light with you, which is what has been happening between you and I as you’ve healed yourself. This light you can increasingly feel, which gives rise to more feelings in you that I am who I say I am and what I am saying to you is true, because it resonates with your own light, your own truth and understanding.
Yes Mary, I feel much stronger about all of that with you, even more so now I’m putting what you and Jesus write on the Internet.
You saying that about keeping your light toned down reminded me of some of the Padgett Messages when Jesus apparently turned up his light and all the spirits were in awe of him, with many of them having not seen him like that before.
That’s right, we don’t come to the lower Earth planes or the lower Divine Love mansion worlds (and we very, very, very, very rarely go to the mind mansion worlds), or even to the lower Celestial worlds, in our full light. As I said, it would be too much to cope with for those spirits we wanted to speak with. They would have to turn away from the brightness of our soul, which would defeat the purpose of our wanting to talk with them. So we tone down our light, being able to move about with many spirits being none the wiser as to our true identities, they merely assuming we are just one of them.
So you could say materialise on Earth and walk about the city streets with no one even suspecting you were Mary Magdalene.
Yes. I could even tell them, and they’d not believe me. The physical body I would create for myself would very effectively cloak my spirit light, and I’d also keep my light toned down, something that’s very easy for us to do using our mind.
So you can effectively go incognito anywhere in Nebadon without being known who you are other than by those who do know you. What I mean is, I think, you don’t go around -or do you - your universe wearing a certain robe with your light on full so everyone knows they are in your presence.
No we don’t. At times we do as they are required, but for the most part, no, we don’t make a show of ourselves. We do have a certain garment that Jesus and I wear, it’s created for us by our soul as is all spirits’ attire, and it is unique of itself in that it expresses who we are, that being the Master and Mistress of Nebadon; and of course that’s wholly recognisable, but as you say, we could by using our minds dress ourselves differently so no one would know who we were, we could even change our outer spirit appearances, particularly as we can draw upon our other bestowal lives before we came to Earth.
So you could use those memories to be say and an angel, a Melchizedek, a Lanonandek and so on.
And have you done such things?
No, there’s been no cause for it, and we would never do it just for a joke or that sort of thing - to give someone a surprise; or to be sneaky going around spying on spirits or angels seeing what they are getting up to in our universe. No, nothing like that James.
Mary, we seem to have got off the track as usual concerning Childhood Repression, was there anything more you wanted to say about it?
No James, it will come up as we go along.
Okay then, I’m going to stop now.
I’ll speak to you soon James.
Thank you Mary.
An after thought, and after more discussions with Marion...
Mary, Marion and I have mostly felt miserable our whole lives. I’ve had some good times in which I’ve felt sort of okay, but mostly I have always been aware of a deeper depression within me, and I never really felt like I fitted in. But what about those people who’ve felt good most of their lives and like they do fit in and life is all for them; and they don’t have a deeper inner longing for something else, something they can’t define, they being happy and content with their lives. They surely feel love and loved?
Yes James they do, as it’s what they feel, yet as I said, still all within the negative. Within an anti true love state of mind and will there are the extremes and all in between, so you have some people feeling very good most of their lives and living what they understand and experience to be with a lot of love, and other’s feeling mostly bad and without any love. Yet still, and this is what I want your readers to consider, that that love and those good feelings are all still occurring within an evil and negative and anti truth state of being. And so from that perspective, what really is this love and those loving feelings they are feeling? And I’m not going to say anymore, as it’s for everyone to find out the truth of their love for themselves through their healing.
So such happy and full-of-love people will still have to do their healing even though they might not feel bad at all, even though they might feel ecstatically happy as many of the mind spirits seem to be.
Yes James, and they will have to look into their feelings to uncover the truth of such love and happiness, and as to what they will discover... well, that’s not for me to say, I’ve said enough as it is. Humanity now has to work on themselves - those people who are intent on uncovering the truth of themselves through their feelings to see what they come up with. You and Marion are knowing what you’re coming up with, but will that be the same for other people? And that’s what you too will have to wait and see as we do, for it won’t be known until people start to do their healing and speak about it.
Okay Mary, so as for what love really is, that’s what we’re doing by uncovering the truth of ourselves through our feelings to find out: the Truth of Love.
That’s it James, that’s what it certainly is. And so with that profound thought, I’ll speak to you tomorrow as you want to write more with us, that I can sense in your mind. And so until then... Mary Magdalene.
So Mary, within our negative states we are to explore all we know love to be.
Yes, which if done sincerely, will lead you to wanting to uncover the truth of your love, all the loving and unloving feelings you feel.
Which few of us want to do owing to our anti truth lives.
So if one is treated well and with respect when a child, one naturally responds positively, feeling good about oneself and life and not wanting to do bad things to oneself or other people and nature; but what you are saying is that we have to see all of this, like the positive and negative, the good and bad sides of love and life, all within the negative.
And so within the negative we can accept that we are or aren’t loving, and do or don’t feel loved, and experience all those feelings; but still, it’s all within an overall anti or no love and no truth existence.
I find it so hard to get my mind around, Mary. With our feelings being very strong making us feel bad when we’re not loved and very good when we are, and yet as you say, it’s still all within the negative, so really we still don’t have any real idea as to what love, and I guess also, what even feeling bad is all about - the truth of it.
That’s right James, you don’t. And that will come as you work your way through your healing, as you grow in the truth of all your feelings, those feelings coming within your negative state. And then when you’re healed, you’ll experience and uncover the truth of all those good and true loving feelings that come in your positive mind and will state.
And Mary, so far as our healing our childhood repression goes, really what we’re doing by setting out to accept and express and seek the truth of all our bad feelings, is to accept that we are fucked, that we are evil, that we are in and of the negative no matter who we are. And just to accept and see what it’s all about, and not do anything to try and change ourselves of it.
Yes. It’s all love, real and true love through real and true self-acceptance. And so to completely accept how you are, means to completely accept how bad you feel and all how you feel in your negative state - even your good feelings. And you don’t have to do anything else. Any changes required to heal you of your state as you accept it, will naturally occur without any need for you to do anything on your part to make yourself change. You just keep going with your feelings, expressing and seeking the truth of all you feel. That’s all you have to do. And your soul will take you this way and that, and back again, all whilst you grow in acceptance of how bad you are.
So in a way, what you’re saying is really there is nothing wrong with us being evil.
That’s right, and particularly as you didn’t mean to become of it and be it, it being forced on you. You are only evil by default, not outright rebellion. So you only have to accept and see and understand and connect fully with your evilness, accepting it through the truth of it, so in a way being it fully, but NOT being it fully using your mind such as the sixth world mind spirits are trying to do.
So instead of using our minds to control ourselves - our feelings, we are to strive to give that up by submitting to our bad feelings, to go with them instead of rejecting and fighting them. And to keep expressing and speaking about all they are making us feel. So we stop denying them, stop ourselves overriding them, and just be them, just let ourselves feel as bad as they are making us feel - as bad as we feel.
Yes, all so long as you keep speaking about and emoting all the emotions you feel and longing for the truth, wanting to know why you are feeling and being as you are. That part is vital, or else you’re not doing anything other than submitting to your bad feelings in a masochistic way allowing yourself to feel bad as a means of self torture. It’s the continual speaking about and expressing your feelings which releases the energy that’s trapped within you; that helps you move within your severely conditioned states; that opens doors within you; that allows you to break through your barriers, so eases the pain as it comes out of you, and in the end, completely removes all your suffering.
Thank you Mary.
And please James, keep questioning me if you feel to do so, even if we go over and over the same things, it’s all very important that you understand what it is you are actually doing in your healing, and what your childhood repression consists of - how your parents treated you and how you feel about that treatment, all the good and bad of it.
I will Mary, I am determined to understand it all. As you know, Marion and I are constantly talking about it all, as there always seems to be a new bit to understand or to see it from a new perspective. She seems to naturally just know what it is all about; but for me, it’s all knew, nothing I had any idea about, so I have to keep trying to make sense of it. But as you say, not to then lock it down with my mind as if I have it under control and so don’t need to bother with it anymore, but to keep allowing myself to just feel it, and to see what my feelings give rise to.
Good, I’ll speak to you soon.