As far as all Mary and Jesus say about the End Times, well really I have no idea. Every day I read more on the Internet how the world is heading towards financial oblivion, and then there’s all the weird American controlling stuff, all the hidden agendas, and supposed New World Order; and then there is all the Earth changes, are things going that way or is it just more of how it’s always been with droughts, floods, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, some years more, some less. Mary and Jesus say virtually everything as we know it is going to end and change, but what really does that mean, and as they don’t tell me anymore than they’ve said in the blog, I just have to wait and see, going with my feelings as there is nothing else I can do.
And then there is the supposed Avonal pair coming, that of itself being a major spiritual event for humanity should it prove true. But it is true? Mary and Jesus say so, but still, like the End Times, it’s a case of having to wait and see.
Early on in my healing as I said, I used to believe that I was the Avonal but that was all part of my desperation to feel important, and part of my family superiority, all of which I’ve let go of. I no longer want to feel important and superior like I used to, all I want to do now is heal myself and become true; and daily Marion and I wish we could die, leaving the horrors of humanity and its increasing abuse of nature. And as I also said, mostly we can hardly drag ourselves out of bed each morning feeling so much pain with yet more endless bad feelings to speak about; and to be given what I see is an almost thankless task of coming to ‘save humanity’, who from all accounts doesn’t want to be saved, now to think of myself being the Avonal makes me laugh, if not want to cry.
And I say thankless because all that Mary and Jesus speak about I understand is way out on a limb, which I imagine very few people being able to relate to. And judging by the lack of comments on my blog and the ones that are there only trying to turn me away from how I am living, trying to tell me that I’m wrong and I should listen to all what the mind spirits say, I wonder if all they say is too confronting and challenging. And that the doing of ones healing is too hard, because it certainly will make you give up and change virtually, if not all, of your life, and that proposition I would imagine for most people will be too daunting. I imagine there might be other people who are as fucked or even more fucked than Marion and I and failures in the world, but as to whether they’d want to do the hard work in trying to heal themselves... well again, I just don’t know. Mary and Jesus say the world is ready for it, and I feel privileged to be able to say what they want and to put it out there, and I’d like to think they might be happy with my efforts, but still, most days as I feel so unsure of myself as I’m broken down and out of my self-delusion, I hardly know whether I’m Arthur or Martha, let alone what I’m writing with them makes any sense. And I apologise for my English, words, like my feelings were not a thing in our family, so writing is no passion for me, just labour, and the last thing I thought I would have done in my life.
When I began the blog back and January I thought I’d tick it along over a couple of years, but now my feelings have changed to wanting to finish it for the time being because I feel I want to withdrawn more into myself, turning more of my attention to healing myself. Marion and I want nothing more in life now than to heal ourselves. And lately I’ve been feeling increasingly tired; tried with all the strain of how my life has been, feeling all the pain of feeling so unhappy and unloved, and tired of applying my mind to such things as all the writing I’ve done about it. So I want to stop, have a rest and then see how I feel about it all.
Should you want to ask me about any of it or discuss any of what Mary and Jesus have talked about, I will be for the time being, until it gets spammed too heavily, leave a contact form below. So please feel free to contact me, I do enjoy talking about it all.
And should you wish to venture into doing your healing, then I wish you all the best. I now know that Marion and I can’t actually help anyone to do their healing, other people might in time be able to as they understand the principles involved, but it’s enough now for Marion and I to try and help ourselves.
And should I feel that Mary and Jesus want me to write more and make it be publicly known I will. And even though feelings can of course change, for now I feel this is as they say, the end of their direct association with us on Earth, and any further communication I have with them will be only to do with my personal healing.
All I write is what I believe and live, even what Mary and Jesus say. Although I’m still rather sceptical about the Avonals being here. Marion only speaks to the Heavenly Father, she doesn’t have a direct and personal relationship with the Mother like I do. And Marion isn’t interested in what Mary and Jesus say, she’s not at all interested in the bigger picture of what’s going on in the world. So it’s all my own doing, I have no one else who says they even agree with what I say in my life. And because of this I am just putting what I think out there, I am not wanting to set myself as any sort of teacher. The Padgett Messages cover quite extensively what happens to people who teach untruth, how they have to set about un-teaching it all when they find out the error of their ways. So my work is more like my personal diary that you’re reading, it only concerns myself and I don’t think or expect - and would even die of shock, if anyone said they like it and want to do their healing. So I am putting it out there in good faith that people will make of it what they will, just as we do with anything, and won’t expect anything further from me, because they will only be let down - more bad feelings they can use to uncover the truth of themselves.
When I first started my spiritual explorations, I derived much hope from the notion that I would find a way out of my pain and to the higher truths. And I thought that all I had to do was heal the few problems I had and then I’d be able to get on and make it in the world. Now I know otherwise. The doing of our healing is not so we can be successful in this world of evil, it’s to rid ourselves of our evilness by seeing it through our feelings for what it is, and so it’s about setting out to remove oneself from the world. And as to how other people might adjust to this in their personal lives I have no idea, but I imagine from all Mary and Jesus say, that if humanity is to change and grow in truth, then people will start something of a ‘new world’ in their own personal lives, and perhaps even banding together: a new world of truth and so hope, faith and real love and happiness. And this thought I enjoy, that possibly humanity really is going to change, and things will occur to help us in that; but still, until I see it for real, it will remain yet only another fantasy of mine. And probably just another one I’ll have to heal.