That’s been one of the hardest parts for me Mary. However it does actually make it easier.
Yes, it does. All that is required of you is to see the truth, as it’s only about the truth, this being done as I’ve been saying, through your feelings. So what this means is that when you feel bad, you stop and acknowledge that you do feel bad, to accept and allow yourself to have those feelings, and you don’t push them away. Then you express them to your friend or partner - even your therapist, someone who is willing to listen to all you have to say. And as you’re expressing your feelings, speaking with the emotion of how you are feeling, you long to uncover and see the truth of what’s causing them. And that’s ALL you do. You don’t try and find the causes, you wait and allow the truth to come up within you and show them to you. You by all means discuss all you want to, all you think and feel with your partner, but all of this being done simply with the aim of seeing how you are, understanding how you are in your negative state. You don’t have to try and change yourself, it’s only and all about accepting yourself as you are. And naturally as you see how you are, as you see especially all the bad parts, your bad and unloving behaviour and the beliefs that control it, you will choose to no longer be this way, however that’s all you do. You don’t try and use positive affirmation for example to change yourself, to make yourself be loving or a better person. You just keep expressing how being this way makes you feel, as you see all the bad and unloving parts of yourself, all your dark side if you like; you just keep speaking about how seeing how these aspects of yourself make you feel. And of course if they make you feel like you don’t want to be that way anymore, you express those feelings - why don’t you want to be that way anymore, and how does being that way make you feel. You keep the focus on yourself, it’s all about you, you accepting ALL how you are. You are owning up to your evilness, saying I am like this, I am wrong, I am bad in these ways, and I hate being this way, and being this way makes me feel... And you keep going. You DON’T have to do anything else. The aim is not to solve the problem, not to correct your wrongness, not to even make amends if you don’t feel so inclined; and even if you do, to ensure you keep speaking about all you feel. You must always keep speaking and expressing and emoting your feelings and longing for the truth of them.
So we just have to see how we are. I know that sounds obvious, but see the whole truth of how wrong we are? And not try and change or even stop being bad.
How does God heal us?
The Mother and Father enlist the angelic agencies together with the Divine Minister of Nebadon. They, in conjunction with your soul, affect such changes when required. And those changes will start to happen on all levels as soon as you start consciously longing for the truth and wanting to uncover it through your feeling acceptance. And as you’ve experienced James, you will change, a bit, you might not even be aware that you have, yet this will enable you to then move deeper into yourself liberating yet more bad feelings for you to find the truth of. And as more truth comes, so you see more about your negative state, understanding how you are it, how it came about, how you’ve been unlovingly influenced and by whom through your developing years, allowing a bit more of you to change. And so you gradually change, growing in truth, growing in self-awareness, all the time continuing to accept your bad feeling self - all your bad feelings and all how you are.
Along the way, the more wrongness you uncover about yourself, the more you might hate yourself, even becoming disgusted with yourself. And that then might trigger more of your self-denying patterns and you might want to fight the acceptance part of the process not wanting to admit, face and then accept that you are not the nice, loving and caring person you might have thought you were, however that’s all just more bad feelings to express and long for the truth of.
So your blocks and resistance will come up, all trying to make you use your mind to change yourself. You may find yourself making such statements as: I am no longer going to eat that extra food; I am going to stop myself being like that; right, that’s it, no more, from now on..., and yet the next thing you know, you’re doing it again; or you realise you’re still the same, you haven’t changed after all.
But this is all your mind trying to regain its control over your feelings. So as with everything through your feeling-healing, you have to speak about and express all such declarations, why are you making them - why do you feel you have to make them. Why don’t you like yourself as you are, what are you trying to run away from. What bad things are going to happen to you if you are this horrible, nasty, evil person.
So always talking, expressing, and longing to see the truth. And in time you’ll come to see just how you are in your evilness, and accept all such bad and negative things about yourself. You’ll find you are powerless to do anything about them anyway, you can’t actually change them and stop them within yourself, so you can only accept them. And this is true self-acceptance, which is true self-love. Accepting the truth of yourself. And all through your feelings.
So Mary, first we have accept the truth of our whole negative state?
Yes, and once that’s done, and you’re of a Celestial level of truth and you’ve finished your healing, you will live on expressing your feelings and growing in truth and acceptance of your positive state of mind and will.
Mary, all of this is all very well, but what about those people that might not have someone with whom they can speak about all their yuk to. Marion and I were lucky to find to each other.
There was no luck about it, as you know James. If you are intent on becoming true and ending your evilness, then you’ll have all the people in your life you need to be your true friends or friend. To live true to yourself - true to your soul and its personality expression, is given the highest priority; so if that’s what you need, then such people will come into your life or already be there. However, that’s not to say that you might also benefit from time alone, time being unable to express all your feelings, whilst you build your desire and longing to do so.
Marion spent about five years actively working on herself before we met. She decided the best thing she could do for herself was to stop doing all those things she didn’t actually want to do, but felt obliged to do, or felt she should do, or had to do. She’d say yes to things but she didn’t really want to do them, so then she’d have to say no and see how she felt about it all, but she didn’t have anyone at that stage to speak about all her feelings to.
She needed that time to become stronger within herself and more convinced that it was the only way she could help herself. And by the time she had made such inner commitments to herself, no longer wanting to be how she was, which was how other people (her parents) made her believe was the right way to be; wanting to die rather than go on as she was, you and her met. And so she was given someone with whom she could express all her bad feelings to.
I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I believed that of course in an intimate relationship that’s what you did, I even believed I did it - that I expressed and loved speaking about all my feelings. And boy oh boy, how wrong I was! As Marion quickly helped me see, I hardly expressed any of my feelings, having very shallow and limited relationships, which now I’ve come to see, adding up to virtually no relationship at all. God, I look back now and wonder why my girlfriends wanted to be with me, what did they see in me when I hardly spoke about my feelings, nor was very interested in them speaking about theirs. I was only interested in sex, and in sex you said all you needed to say - I love you and all that: because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t want to be with you, so wasn’t that enough! No wonder my relationships never went anywhere. I have something of a deeper relationship with Marion now, but still I don’t open up and come forth as much as I should, but as you said, all I can do is keep seeing how much I don’t, I can’t change myself and make myself suddenly be more feeling expressive. I can only keep owning up to and admitting how retarded and shut-off I am, as it comes to light, and seeing why. And as much as I hate seeing all these bad things about myself, I am that way, I’ve been made that way, so there’s no use trying to deny it.
And the more you can accept how you are James, the less of it you will be. The more one can accept ones evilness, the less evil one will be. It’s acceptance through truth, and truth through acceptance, with your feelings being the conduit. This all being the greatest act of self-love you can do for yourself. This is truly loving yourself, not all that self-love stuff that involves using your mind in some manipulative way over yourself.
In the latest book Marion is reading, she read out to me, and we read it all the time, how when a person had a very bad time, reaching a point that’s not usually in ones life, instead of going with it, and speaking about it all to their partner, the bury it all, pushing it away, not wanting to subject their loved-one to such pain, or horror, or misery. And so there are lines in their relationship in which neither cross over, all in the mistaken belief that if they do, that will put too much pressure on the relationship and it will possibly end. And were they to cross those lines, sure it might be the end, but also it might not, it might take the relationship into deeper areas bringing each other closer to one another. But Mary, I know those lines, and you can’t cross them when you’ve never done it, and when they are so well entrenched within you, and when you’re so scared of crossing them.
I know James, and what you say is right, you can’t, but if both of you commit to speaking about and expressing all you think and feel as much as you can, all whilst longing to uncover the truth you are to see from such feelings, in time you’ll work your way closer to those lines, you’ll see them for what they are, why you have them, what’s keeping in place, and you’ll be able to feeling-express your way over and through them.
So we just have to see how bad we are, and accept such truth, expressing along the way all how being so bad and how it is for us, makes us feel?
Yes. You are bad and wrong and evil because you’ve been made to go against yourself, to disconnect from your true self, developing a false self - your false self being imperfect, and so wrong. And so to become right, good and true - perfect, you have to first see all the wrongness and imperfection that you are. You have to understand completely all that entails your evilness. And as you can’t have possibly any idea as to what it does entail, so all you can keep doing is expressing your feelings and longing for the truth of them, all the while accepting all you see about yourself.
Mary, all through my healing years, the whole emphasis has been to show me just how badly I communicate, express my thoughts and feelings, and how fucked my relationships are. And I was led to believe by my family that I was okay, that really there wasn’t anything wrong with me, that I was even one of the superior people coming from such a loving family, all of which, so I’ve found out about myself, couldn’t be more from the truth.
All of which shows you James, just how self-deluded you can be. How you can even feel good about yourself, when underneath, feelings you are refusing to acknowledge are telling you, all is not right, and you are actually feeling very bad. You’d been led so far from the truth and your true self, living such a fantasy of false-self, that you had no idea as to the extent or state of a lie you were actually living. All of which you are now far more aware of.
And this is the self-revealing process that your feeling-healing is. You reveal the truth to yourself of yourself, and of your relationships with yourself, nature, other people and God. And this is what Jesus and I want you to understand. That it’s all within you, you don’t have to believe in anything else other than your own feelings. And to believe in anything else outside of yourself, is only going to keep you away from your true self. So at a time when humanity is the most highly conditioned and controlled by all sorts of authorities, self-imposed and outside ones, we are here to help you see that none of that actually matters, and all that does only matter is how you treat yourself. And if you are denying any feelings, your are disrespecting and treating yourself badly - without love. And so to love yourself, you have to set about working at accepting all your feelings - accepting all of yourself. And even though Jesus and I are more than happy to speak about ufos, aliens, other religions and spiritual systems; the actions and whereabouts of the mind spirits; whether Jesus and I had sex when on Earth... it’s all just information and really has nothing to do with your feelings. It can however make you feel feelings and bad ones that you can express and uncover the truth of, but really all you need is yourself and your feelings and the truth will come.
That is how Marion is, happy with her feelings, expressing them, all the good and bad ones as she feels them; and doing whatever she feels to do being moved or not moved through her feeling expression. I however find I need something of a framework, a picture in which to relate to all of this. I need the outline of what’s involved so I can see what I’m doing, where I’m going, which is all really so I can agree to it or not, rather than just being taken blindly along without a clue by my feelings.
You only need the picture to keep giving your mind a feeling or sense of power, that it has some power left. But that’s lessening, and gradually you’re not needing the pictures for power, so they can just come of their own accord as required by your soul, all to help you make sense of it all. You grew up being talked at by your mother and her mother, they instilled the pictures about what life was for them in you, believing that was all there was to life. They didn’t allow you or encourage you to find it out for yourself. They told you, and as you were forced to believe them, so in effect you believe you already know all there is to know about life, so you’re bored, waiting for something new to happen, which really is only to be told a new picture. And so it was that the spiritual stuff gave you new pictures, and Jesus and I have utilised that need in you, even though it’s false and only a product of your self-denial and unloving state. But as you’ve worked to see the truth of your relationship with your parents and your grandmother, so you’ve come to these understandings yourself, and so you’ve been able to give up your need to have your picture and have it all in place. And gradually are you not worrying about needing to have it all under control. And so you’re allowing Jesus and myself to write whatever we want through your mind. And although we are still highly limited by your mind, still, we’re able to impart more than we need to do to satisfy the requirements of our truth revelation for humanity. And then from your own experiences and understandings of such things, you can augment and back up and expand on what we say, that which you’ve done in your other writings.
And so there will be some people more like Marion who only want to come to it and relate to it all through their feelings, and once they’ve got the general idea as to what’s involved in their feeling expression to find the truth of themselves; understanding that’s what they have to do so they can live true, will he happy living only according to their feelings, leaving all the rest of the unnecessary mind stuff alone. And then their will be other people more like yourself who need and enjoy understanding the bigger picture and how it all relates to life as they know it, all whilst they to set about seeking the truth of themselves through their feelings.
Thank you Mary.