And that’s how I see everyone now, even those people who did receive some love, who weren’t pushed away, who did feel effective in their lives and are so as adults; but still as you’ve said to me all along, right from the very beginning, it’s all only partial, and it’s not full and true and real love. And everywhere I go and with everyone I speak with, I can see the sadness in them, feel the tragedy we’re all living in, and feel how we all feel to some degree unloved and are without any hope of every having that love without doing our healing.
And as Marion said, there are really two parts to it once you strip away the false outer show and face of being happy and feeling good; that being, all the unexpressed bad feelings and emotions contained within what we call our childhood repression - all those terrible feelings from our early beginning we are keeping repressed within us and refusing to acknowledge; and not feeling loved as much as we needed to feel - not feeling loved at all. With of course our not feeling loved giving rise to all our horrible bad feelings we don’t want to face.
And daily now it is all helping me to see, that all about this, all you and Jesus have said, is very real, and in fact so much so, and so terribly so, that it will take me personally many years to come to terms with, and I imagine all of us - collectively, aeons.
And also going back to why we have things like colds, and from other things Marion said, I could see that really when we have a cold with our body making us feel miserable and depressed, with all the snot and running wet yuk coming out of us, that it’s showing us that really that’s how we feel deeper inside, sad and miserable, unloved, rejected and alone. And that those deeper buried and hidden bad feelings from our early life that are all still within us, are as you said, making our body show signs that things are wrong by making us be sick, contact some disease, all showing us the dis-ease and discontent within ourselves. And that really we should allow to happen that what we’re the most scared of, submitting to it and letting all that yuk and snot and tears and crying overwhelm us, allowing it to come pouring out as the true expression of how we really are feeling underneath all our falseness. And to not do that, to not express all the misery and seeking the truth of it as you and Jesus have told us we can do, but to take pills and get on with it, stopping ourselves from feeling bad, beating back our cold, defeating it with our mind and mind-made solutions, is all just keeping all that sadness within us, not letting any of it out. And that we only do that to ourselves because as young children we were taught and told that it was bad to cry, being made to feel we weren’t wanted, wanted even less, when we cried. And it’s all such a crying shame, it really is. To see how many little children are just pulled and pushed around with no real consideration for their feelings. And perhaps not all the time in their families, but enough, enough to make us feel somewhere inside ourselves that we are not right, that we’re feeling bad, and all because we feel unloved.
And that really, we, humanity, should just call it quits, declare a holiday forevermore, whilst we all set about allowing all our tears to come pouring out of us. And then we might have to build arks to rise above the flood-waters of our own making. It must be incredible to be in the Divine Love mansion worlds, there with all those spirits who are intent on working on themselves, letting their bad feelings surface and expressing them.
It is James, very moving. The whole atmosphere is one of pain, yet diffused with care, support, deep concern, and real love. There are many Celestial spirits attending those spirits who need their care, but as you can imagine, the best part of it all is that one is not alone in doing ones healing, you know there are whole worlds full of other people - spirits - all who are working on themselves allowing themselves to feel their pain. There is great sympathy and understanding.
But Mary, what about those people who might choose to do their healing but don’t have such a support network, having to battle away on their own.
Yes James, like you and Marion, real pioneers, with much to be gained from the experience of having to completely rely on yourselves, on each other, something that all of us who have been observing you both have been in admiration and awe of. It is a lot to ask of the individual, however there is simply no other way, and it has to happen and be that way for some people, but in time as more people choose to live that way, so such support systems will develop without them feeling so alone and having to go it alone.
But still having said that, even within the Divine Love mansion worlds, even with all the support and knowing there are many others similar to yourself, still, it is all just about yourself and your bad feelings, and when you feel alone, isolated and so unloved, it doesn’t matter how many like-feeling people or spirits are around you, as they are not you, not having anything to do with you, and so it’s only yourself with your partner or friend.
Yes, of course, I see what you mean, even with Marion there to willingly listen to me, she may as well not be there when I feel so alone, as that’s how I felt back in my childhood and all by myself, with no one wanting to be with me and care about me. But still, when those intense and dreadful feelings let up a little or pass, it’s so good having her there to discuss and speak about it all with, I couldn’t do it by myself.
No one can, that being the whole point of it. You are not meant to be alone, and you need someone else to express all you feel to so as to keep bringing yourself out into Creation, to keep individualising your personality. And so that’s why we say that a friend will come, someone will be there to help you when you are sincerely wanting to use your feelings to help you see the truth of yourself, no one will be left alone, struggling along to go through it all oneself, as one simply can’t go through it. One can make a little head-way, and periods of being alone with only yourself and your feelings can be greatly beneficial, but still for the long haul, to complete your healing, you will have lots of, and needs lots of, help from at least one other person. And whilst doing your healing in flesh it will be a person, not just Celestial spirits - unseen help. These spirits will be there as extra help should you need them and if it’s part of your life and healing experience, but you will need the face-to-face contact, the real person to express all you feel to, because that’s how it all started for you, face-to-face with your parents and carers.
Mary, this morning I feel much more in touch with my misery and sadness. I can see that over the years of I’ve expressed possibly most of it out of me, leaving me now with an overall sadness and knowing the truth of it. And I don’t feel at the moment, possibly most of that too I’ve expressed out of myself, anger for mum, dad and Gran, for any of them, because they were fucked, we’re all the same, and I can’t see that any of them would be able to say they had wonderfully happy lives. I’m just feeling how tragic the whole thing is, how sad, and it all makes sense as to how I’ve always felt yet refused to see and acknowledge. And yet these currently bad feelings of sadness are also making me feel good strangely, good that I do understand it all. So I no longer feel angry with them, just sad and sorry for us all.
Marion is just saying that no matter what we might try and present to the world, it’s all a tragedy for us. And that we’re all in the same boat, we have no choice, we are how we’ve learnt how to survive and it’s all so sad. And that the parent has had a tragic upbringing, and then it’s tragic again what such parents do to their children as one comes to understand through ones healing. And that really no one intends to do anything bad, it’s all out of our control. And even people who do bad things, still they can’t help themselves, they being how they are because of what’s inside them to make them be so bad and able to do such bad things. And we wouldn’t do such terrible things if we didn’t have such a huge amount of horrible stuff inside us.
So it’s a day for reflection Mary, and with my feelings increasing that you and Jesus are leaving us, that we’re really on our own in many ways now, so it all seems quite appropriate for me, to gain more of a feeling for and understanding about how bad a state we are all living in, and yet all refusing to see.
It’s the truth James, you’re feeling more connected with the truth that’s evolved in you through these healing years. And as you’re no longer fighting it, no longer trying to reject it, so as you said, you can now just be in it, as you are it, it being the truth of your negative state, the truth of your evilness, that being what Jesus and I are helping you to understand.
Yes, well, I do feel I have even more of a better grasp and understanding of it now Mary. And for the first time in my healing, I’m actually looking forward now to what else I will feel and see. As I said, I’m feeling not so scared of feeling bad, not as much as I was, because I feel so much of my repressed bad feelings I’ve liberated; so now instead of being pounded day in and day out by them, feeling so miserable and depressed and down my hole with no hope of ever coming out, now I feel in a way better about it all. And not ‘on top of it’ as if my great struggle is easing, but just accepting of it, not trying to run away from it anymore, just being it - as you said, being me, as it is me, it’s what I feel.
Good James, it all sounds very good and I’m happy for you, we both are. You and Marion have worked hard at it, and it’s good to see it beginning to come to fruition.
Thank you Mary, but knowing how it’s been, I’m probably in just one of my better times, even though right now I’m still feeling very sad about it all. And before I know it, I’ll be plunged back down my hole feeling overwhelmed by yet more pain, misery and despair. But I don’t care, if that’s what’s to happen, good, as I want it all to come out. And I am feeling the benefit of it all now, much more so each day. And I know it’s a real thing - the doing of our healing, and as hard and gruelling as it is, I would encourage anyone, should they ask me, to do it.
And also I’m enjoying feeling more introspective. That too I’ve always fought in a way. I’ve always believed because it’s what you’re told that it’s a wrong and bad way to be in life, that one has to be outgoing and not morbid and so self-absorbed in ones own depressing feelings. But to have sunk into them and having no idea what to expect, having now idea of just how deep my misery and sadness was, and to have now been in them for so long, and to feel all they’ve made me feel, and now to feel like I’m starting to come up out of it, or change not feeling so affected by it, has been an incredible experience. And to see that our bad feelings are not the scary monsters there waiting to gobble you up. That they are just a part of you, there because you felt bad, and as shocking and scary as those bad feelings are, you still keep going, you aren’t annihilated or left totally alone to drown in them. All so long as we do what Mary and Jesus say - this much I know now; that we keep talking about them and want to see the truth of them - the talking about them being so important, to get all that yuk energy of them out of you.
In many ways I can see that I was lucky in that I was so shut-off from my bad feelings, that I believed I didn’t feel too bad, and then when I did start to break down, Marion came into my life having the experience and know-how to help me express them, and to be there as my friend to receive them and to help me understand it all. I’d sure hate to be, as she was, full of them most of ones life, surrounded by them, struggling to keep ones head above them all the time, and with no way to properly deal with them, with no friend who understands that all such darkness comes from ones early life, and that it can all come out of you if you want it to and if you want to connect with it and see it for what it is - see the truth of it. It must be so difficult for those people who are always immersed in their bad feelings never feeling they can escape or get a moments peace from them. And I would like to think that one day all you and Jesus have been saying is made more readily available to people so everyone can at least understand there is way out if and when they are ready to take it.
Sorry Mary for doing all the talking... up on my soap box.
Not at all James, it’s all better out than in, and as I know you’ll say it all to Marion, that’s what it’s all about and what it’s for, all to help you heal yourselves.
Well Mary and Jesus, thank you again very much. I’m going now, more to talk with Marion about.
Speak to you soon James, bye now.